sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
