She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
