Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Randomize
