your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
