So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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