Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
