I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
