So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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