Don't make out with my wife yet
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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