Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
