remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
