When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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