so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
How's work?
Spinning.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
