It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
