Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize