So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
