I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
