boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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