I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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