Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
