Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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