I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize