So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
