I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Randomize
