Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
My bed is full of blood and feathers
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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