I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
