on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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