Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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