What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
