I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
