I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
