It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
