and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
