it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
