Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
i think my cat just said my name.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
