In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
