Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
