Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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