He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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