I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
