is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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