who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Randomize
