I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
