I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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