Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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