She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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