Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
