This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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