she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
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