I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Randomize
