Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Randomize
