He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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