Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
