i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
