I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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