someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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