the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
My liver just had a heart attack.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
