i just google imaged poop.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
not ubering you a puppy
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
