Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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