I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I don't deserve a penis
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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