I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
