ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
